Thursday, July 24, 2014

The hard part

I'm pretty sure what hurt more was being lied to, not the actual thing that happened.

I didn't really want both jobs to happen, and mainly the money side and that fact that it was kinda wanted made me okay with it. I did what I could to feel okay with it, but something always felt off about it. I suppose now I know why. And I'm pretty sure I worry so much more now. Never really was worried lately about things, but thats changed again. A little bit of trust lost, but can be earned back.

I have some questions, but I don't really know how or if I should ask them. Some are just out of curiousness. And some are to get to know more. I apparently don't know as much as I should. I can't say its easy to just talk about things, un sure of it yourself and what the other would think. I'm sure there's things I've thought about that I haven't said to try or anything.

I can't see how it could have been done, and have no explanation as to why. Maybe I've sucked lately, maybe it was an emotional way to feel better. Maybe thinking it could fix emotional and physical things at home. I don't know. Maybe I've just been hurt by things enough that I can't see how it could be done. Emotionally cheating, physically cheating, they hurt differently.

I've felt unattractive lately, I still kinda do. Tried to feel better about myself, but seeing some of those profile pictures have made it stay. Not like I saw any of those pictures posted for others to see either.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I can't take this

How can I believe? So much of it links to it.  The way the conversations go,  the location,  the wants.  2 pictures are on it,  that are only on the phone.  Not posted anywhere for someone to take and use...  The other picture I can't find anywhere.  Most likely uploaded to it then deleted from the phone.  So saying its someone else is bs,  I just can't see how. 

I can't find any trace of it being deleted,  which means its traces were removed.  Meaning most likely all the posts were made with something to hide the trace.

If Im not enough just tell me. If you need someone to satisfy once,  just tell me.  I don't want to be hurt again.  If it truely is you just admit to it.  Lying makes it worse in the end,  I just want the truth.  Even if it will hurt me,  it can be made up for. 

I had a feeling 2 jobs would be a problem. Wanted more time from me I guess.  Maybe it turns you on to know you're secured with someone at home,  and you'd like to have a side. 

Im so scared.  And hurt that you would lie to me about it.  I don't want to be cheated on again.